I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize