I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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