haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You were trust falling into bushes
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