i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
