This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
did i just pee glitter
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize