I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
