She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize