I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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