Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
