It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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