wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
