i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
