Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize