what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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