her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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