there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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