I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
