I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
