I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
