apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
