sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
