She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
