let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
love makes seman taste better
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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