Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
