I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
