my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
