I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
