You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
