Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
