shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
