i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
