I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
