just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
