I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
