I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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