We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
