I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
