He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
ttyl tear gas
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
