i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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