I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
