Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
