hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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