Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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