Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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