Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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