mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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