Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
