I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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