i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
