My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
