I am puke
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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