Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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