I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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