Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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