trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I smell like Dick and happiness
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
