It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
