so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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