I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
