idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
