I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
