Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
