That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
