david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
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